Hi! My name is Stephanie and I’m living my home going life on planet earth. I grew up in Holland and as a child, I often had a feeling of not belonging. Homesickness. But I felt like this not only when I left my parents house for a sleep over.
This empty feeling of not belonging could sweep me off of my feet at any moment. Even at home. It was confusing. And therefor better to ignore.
I also wondered why I could’t just be happy like other kids my age? Without talking a lot about it, I felt unhappy and misunderstood most of the time. I could not figure out what exactly was ‘wrong with me’. From the outside, I had a fine life. But on the inside I could not make sense of it all.
Is this really supposed to make me happy? I was not getting it.
In my teens I started to seriously look for answers. During those years I learned a lot about myself, my mind and how my thoughts influenced my feelings. I’ve read hundreds of self help books and visited psychologists and alternative healers.
At one point I found a switch which abled me to turn off the feeling of homesickness when needed. It would still be there, but I knew how to not let it get to me. I could also turn it on, but of course that was something I rather not did. It also worked with other negative feelings by the way! I thought:
‘Great, now I can be happy for the rest of my life’.
But it wasn’t like that at all. The teachings about the power of the mind were valuable, and they worked till a certain point. But they didn’t get me to fully understand myself, my life and human beings in general.
I felt like there was a missing piece.
And it was only after leaving an abusive relationship and balancing on the edge of a burn out, when the last pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place. I had some serious inner child work to do. Some trauma healing and lots of feeling. Feeling things I never had allowed myself to feel. Feeling. Forgiving. Loving. Deeper and deeper. And I had to learn how to manage my energy. How to protect my own sacred space. Learn how to make good use of my highly sensitieve powers instead of allowing other people to abuse them (without me or them even knowing).
No way back
My journey to profound understanding was set into motion and there was no way back. This led me to complete freedom and a rock steady feeling of belonging. That vast knowing that all is well, no matter the circumstances. That I am at the right place. At the right time. Always. That there is no need to hurry. That there is nothing for me to do. That I am not alone. I am home.
A knowing that even when I do not feel all that much ‘love, peace and happiness’ it’s OK too. Because I am human. I am brave. I am here. I am.
Fearlessly traveling, choosing love, trusting the plan and guiding others to do the same. In their own unique way. That’s home for me now. Ah. And having loads of fun doing it. Also that!
It is my wish, my intent and my purpose to walk the road less traveled and be of service, with my head up in the clouds and both feet on the ground. Like a lightship at open sea. I’m here.
Lets walk each other home